


Flaws

by witchofstars



Series: Marihilda Week [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Marihilda Week (Fire Emblem), Post-Time Skip, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22231549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchofstars/pseuds/witchofstars
Summary: Marianne reveals a part of herself to Hilda that she had always kept hidden away from others. This is my contribution to Marihilda Week Day 1: Scars.
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Series: Marihilda Week [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1600276
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59





	Flaws

Marianne used to think she would live her entire life without knowing what it felt like to hold another person in her arms. Never in a million years did she think she would find herself being laid down on Hilda’s bed, being cradled so tenderly as though she were the woman’s most delicate, ornate hair pin, so beautiful and sparkling but could break if one handled it too roughly.

There was a time when these gestures were so overwhelming, Marianne would push herself away and excuse herself before Hilda could continue to care for her. In their academy days, the gentlest brush of hands in the hallways of Garreg Mach would give the girl such a fright she immediately bowed, apologized with a mumbled, “I’m sorry,” and retreated to her room. She looked down at her hands and cursed herself for tainting Hilda’s porcelain skin with her hands, so thin and wiry and undeserving. These same hands were only capable of wickedness, cursed with the blood of her Crest that flowed through her veins.

Every time she felt herself to be a burden, committed the selfish act of letting them touch or be touched by anyone, she punished herself.

It took years of patient support and encouragement from not just Hilda, but all of her beloved Golden Deer friends to bring Marianne out from the dark confines of her room and into the light of their love. She may not be the broken, scared girl she used to be, but she would always carry the scars from those days; every thin, faded scar across her wrists and thighs was a permanent reminder of how worthless and undeserving she thought she was, and how far she had been willing to go to answer her own cries to the goddess to take her, so that she may never have to burden anyone again.

In all the years she had known Hilda, she had never worn anything but long sleeves and skirts or trousers that masked her scars, even in the privacy of their own rooms. The same was true now, as she lay in bed in a long sleeved shirt and a skirt with thick, opaque tights while Hilda held her close.

“What’cha thinkin’ about, Marianne?” She cooed, content to simply nuzzle up against her love and breathe a content sigh, happy to bask in Marianne’s warmth. Never had they indulged in anything beyond the lightest, most innocuous touches and cuddles; they had only recently confessed their feelings and began to tread the waters of a newfound relationship. Hilda wanted to start as slowly as possible for Marianne, slowly dipping her feet in the water and only moving closer to the deep end when she was ready. It was work, for sure; but for Marianne, she could deal with shouldering extra labor. It was worth it to see her happy and smiling.

Marianne turned to glance at Hilda, her cheeks instantly flushing a deep pink at Hilda’s expression; adoring, cherishing every part of her. Hilda’s cheeks wrinkled up as she gleefully chuckled in response to the other woman’s flustered expression.

“U-um…”

“It’s okay, love. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I’m here though, if you do.” Hilda gently assured her, kissing her cheek.

“No, it’s not that.” Marianne shook her head. “I just… I’m not used to this. But it’s nice.”

“Not used to what, being held? No one’s ever held you?”

“Not that I can remember. Not that I, um, deserved it, anyway...”

Hilda frowned. “Well, that just won’t do, will it?”

Honestly, despite everything she already knew about Marianne’s past it still blew her away every time Marianne revealed a bit more of it to her. She was used to being smothered by her family, and receiving constant correspondence from her older brother to see how she was doing, if she had been getting enough sleep, little trifles like that. But Marianne… she never had that. Whenever mail was delivered from families from all over Fodlan, she couldn’t help but notice how Marianne was the only one who had not received anything. Her adoptive family treated her as though she were afflicted with some contagious disease, keeping her as far as possible simply for her crest, not bothering to see just how loving and generous Marianne was to others, how gently she cared for the animals around the monastery and always strived to help others, never wanting to be a nuisance or a burden.

There was so much to love about her, and in that moment Hilda was determined to put in the work to show Marianne all the goodness and light she saw in her.

Hilda lifted her hand to caress Marianne’s pale cheek, fingertips pressed ever so gently against her skin. “My dearest Marianne, it is not a matter of whether or not you deserve to be loved. It is a right that every person has, to be shown basic kindness and affection. It’s a right that wasn’t afforded to you for really, really terrible reasons. But you are so worth it, you know that? Every part of you is perfect.”

Her other hand trailed down from Marianne’s waist and rested at her thigh. Marianne flinched underneath the touch; Hilda removed her hand instantly, opting to leave it on her waist. “Is something wrong?” Hilda asked, raising a brow.

“N-no, it’s… it’s just…” She had rested her hand on top of her scars without even knowing.

“I’m… I’m not perfect.” Marianne mustered up the courage to finish her sentence, but she averted Hilda’s gaze as she spoke. “I’ve done terrible things. I pray to the goddess for forgiveness every day for how foolish I used to be, and still am. I’m just afraid that… if you saw those parts of me, you wouldn’t want to hold me again.”

Hilda’s eyes narrowed in concern. “Marianne, when I first told you I loved you I vowed that nothing on this planet could change how I felt about you. And that means no matter what may have done before, or what mistakes you make in the present or even the future, I promise to always love you.”

She wouldn’t press the issue harder than that. The ball was in Marianne’s court, and whatever she decided to do with that would be alright with her. She didn’t want to push the matter further and accidentally cause her to shut down. She half expected Marianne to leave, as she had done countless times before when touch became too much for her to handle.

So she was surprised when Marianne looked back up at her with an expression Hilda found difficult to read. She stared into Hilda’s eyes for a long moment, then finally heaved a sigh. “Okay.”

“Okay…?”

“Okay. I’ll show you what I mean.”

Hilda’s eyes widened a bit as she watched Marianne sit up and roll back one of her shirt sleeves, then the other one. Her movements were slow, shaky, but eventually both of her forearms were laid bare for Hilda to see rows of light marks across her wrist, some further up towards her inner elbow.

Marianne traced the scars with her hands, nervously rubbing her arms as Hilda looked at her. “See? I… um…”

Hilda gazed back at her, and reached her hand out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Marianne’s ear. “I see, yes.”

“And…?”

Hilda coked her head to one side. “And what? It’s in the past now, isn’t it? I don’t see how that would change how I feel about you, Mari. We all have our scars, even if some aren’t visible. Honestly, I thought you were about to turn into a wolf or something-- Still would have loved you if you did that, by the way.”

Marianne was completely taken back. She struggled to find her words, opting instead to nervously hold Hilda’s hands within her own without shame or fear forcing her to push herself away, for Hilda had seen just what had made her feel unworthy and said,  _ “It’s in the past now, isn’t it?” _

Hilda squeezed her hands, gently rubbing her knuckles with her thumbs. Marianne brought one of Hilda’s hands up to her lips, kissing it tenderly as she beamed at her loving girlfriend. “Hilda… you’re right. It is in the past. I got help for it, and I haven’t hurt myself in years. I wouldn’t have gotten to that point without you, or Claude, or the Professor, or any of the Golden Deer. You have always shown me nothing but endless support, and it is that same support that inspires me to keep going every day.”

“That’s right.” Hilda agreed, returning Marianne’s smile and giggling when she felt her soft lips graze her own hand. She sat up and kissed Marianne, wrapping her arms around her neck to pull her closer. “I love you more than anything in this world, and I’m so glad you’re here with us. I’m glad you don’t hurt yourself anymore.”

Marianne returned the kiss in kind, gently pushing Hilda back onto the mattress so she could return the favor and hold her close, cuddling up to her warm embrace. “I love you too,” she breathed, blinking back tears. There was so much more she wanted to say, but at the moment words failed her. But between the two of them, they didn’t always need words to know how the other felt. They remained in blissful silence, holding each other in their soothing respite from the war that carried on outside of the comfort of Hilda’s room. Marianne swore to always keep fighting for tender moments like these, where she could allow herself to be loved for everything that she is- and to allow herself to freely love Hilda in return.

**Author's Note:**

> @AstralAtelier on Twitter.


End file.
